33 year old M.N. writes:
When I first started working with Andrea, I had major self esteem issues and a serious case of black and white thinking.
I constantly felt bad taking up space in the world.
An actual thought I had: “I shouldn’t leave my apartment because I’m taking up space on the sidewalk and someone else would definitely be able to use that space better than me.”
At work, I got feedback that my standards were too high, as were my stress levels.
Through working with Andrea, I realized a few things about myself:
—The high standards I held for other people still paled in comparison to the impossible standards I held myself to.
—If I made a single mistake or got angry, I was a terrible person.
—I told myself that I needed to be an extraordinary person, and if I wasn’t extraordinary, I was wasting my potential.
—I also had to be happy 100% of the time, and have no needs or boundaries.
—I always put other people’s wants over my needs, and if I didn’t then I was selfish.
—Any rejection, from a job interview or a date, was a comment on my status as a “good” human being.
Being able to state aloud these deeply internalized thoughts allowed me to understand how unrealistic they were.
Andrea helped me change my thought patterns and embrace the gray.
She taught me to truly feel my feelings instead of intellectualizing and burying them.
The first time I realized something had shifted happened when I dropped a plate and it shattered on my kitchen floor. Instead of berating myself about how clumsy I was and how I could never do anything right, I simply cleaned up the plate and went on with my day.
I realized that I had circumvented the brain pathway of negative self talk!
I’ve been able to start a serious dating search. Now when a rejection happens I can cry, and then move on, without believing that I would never be a match for anyone.
The biggest shift happened when Andrea told me in a session that I am amazing. When we first started working together, when she would say things like that, I would roll my eyes, make a face, and try to move on as quickly as possible. Today, I was able to maintain eye contact, smile, and say thank you.
I was able to internalize that I am amazing!
That being said, I am still a work in progress and always will be. At no point will I be “done” or “perfect” or handle everything the best way possible, and that’s perfectly ok!
We’re all humans who make mistakes, and we’re no less amazing because of them.
~MN, 33 years old